HoffmanJ

= =  Lower Moreland High School Satire

Creation Story The heavens were all that existed, and the only resident of this magical place was God himself. God was all powerful, he had unfathomable magical abilities. After millions of years, God became tired of his lonely existence. He wanted to create a place, a place where he could watch over and study his creations. However, the power to do this was locked in different parts of the Seven Gate Mountain. The only thing about this mountain is that the mountain was there even before God existed. God’s magical abilities would be of no use once within ten feet of the holy mountain. With his goal in mind, he set off for the Seven Gate Mountain. God quickly arrived just outside the ten foot range of the mountain. He slowly stepped inside, and just as he thought, he felt his magical powers leave. God looked up at the huge mountain. It was colored vibrantly, with different shades of green, blue, and brown. Better sooner than later he thought, and began climbing the ancient mountain. Soon enough, God arrived and the fist Ridge in the mountain, and in front of him he saw a gate. The gate was heavy, and would require great strength to lift. So God walked up to the gate, breathing hard from his climb, and closed his eyes. He then summoned his strength, and lifted the gate. Suddenly, streaks of black and light came flying out of the gate, and went down below the heavens. God was not very tired, so he continued his climb. Soon enough he came upon the second gate. Behind the gate he could see swirls of blue. He was excited to see what would come out, so he closed his eyes. He then summoned his strength, and lifted the gate. This time, cold and wet streaks of blue rushed passed him and went down below the heavens. When God looked around, he saw steps. It was a short climb, and above the steps was the third gate. God was getting tired now, but he kept his mind on his creation, and he closed his eyes. He then summoned his strength, and lifted the third gate. This time all of the slimy water beings rushed past him and went below the heavens. God then continued his climb and arrived at the fourth gate. He closed his eyes, and once again summoned his strength to lift the gate. Rough streaks of brown and green flew by him, and made their way down below the heavens. God was very tired now; however, he was determined to complete his goal, so he continued his climb. The fifth gate then came into view as he pulled him self up on a flat ledge. God was tired, and wanted to rest, but instead he just closed his eyes. He then summoned his strength, and lifted the gate. This time all of the land and sky creatures flew past him, and proceeded to below the heavens. God then continued his climb up the mountain. He was exhausted and tired; he longed for his powers back, but he thought about his creation, and climbed even faster. He had been climbing for five days now, almost six. Finally God reached the sixth gate after another night’s worth of climbing. This gate was the biggest and heaviest gate he had seen so far. It was tightly bound together by massive two feet thick chains. God hadn’t slept for six days, and was weary. However, once again he concentrated on his goal, and closed his eyes. He then summoned the strength that was left inside of him, and for hours he tugged on the chain, and at nightfall, the chain finally broke. He saw two human beings, a man and a woman, float out of the gate and travel to the place below the heavens. God knew of one more gate, he was almost there. Behind the sixth gate was a long set of steps leading to the seventh gate. God staggered up the steps over night, and arrived in front of the seventh gate. God thought about his seven day journey, and he knew he was much to tired to open the gate. He doubted himself, but suddenly the gates started to open for him. Inside the gate were soft, puffy clouds. God collapsed on a cloud, and finally on the seventh day he rested, and for the rest of time he would watch over his creation from his clouds in the heavens. God was no longer alone.

//Eric, Brotsky (Cashier), Hank Campbell (Woman), Jacob Hoffman (Broski)//

Broski: yo yo yo! What’s new Woman!

Woman: Shut up I have a text. (looking at phone)

Broski: You wanna go hit up the jawnskizzle Wawa?

Woman: Yeah I have to go shower and change first. (exit room briefly) I’m back.

Broski: Ite lets (interruption)

Woman: Shut up I have a text.

Broski: Cmon lets bounce to the jawnski.

(In Wawa)

Broski: Check it Woman! 8 gallons of Raspberry Iced Tea! (holding bottle)

Woman: Can I have…I gotta text.

Broski: (to cashier) What’s up pipsqueak Charlie man dog!

Cashier: What?

Broski: I’ll be purchasing this jawn jawnski jaw…iced tea.

Cashier: That’ll be 5 dollars.

Broski: Here you go! (hand him money) Keep the change.

Cashier: Sir, this is a quarter.

Broski: Yo homeboy you trynna mess up in this brisket!

Cashier: Yes.

Broski: Whoa Whoa I meant a shove fight!

Cashier: … Are you buying the iced tea or not?

Broski: Yea one sec…(interruption)

Woman: FACEBOOK NOTIFICATION!

Cashier: Both of you get out of my store.

Broski: Ite fine, lets peace Woman!

Woman: After this text. Ugh I have to shower.

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